Hi everyone. It’s Jasmine here and welcome to Productivity With Zest. As you know, over the next few weeks, I’m going to be sharing some of my episodes from More Zest, which is the private podcast inside the productivity. Jim, in more Zest, I take you through the 10 key areas of productivity that really matter for sustainable success. Things like procrastination, energy, focus, and boundaries. And each short episode zooms in on one area and helps you figure out what’s really going on with practical ways to respond. And the best bit is that inside the productivity gym, every one of these episodes comes with a matching zest in action self-reflection tool so that you can actually apply what you’ve heard and make a difference in your life. The same goes for productivity with Zest episodes two. I will attach the zest inaction self-coaching guide to the show notes so you can download it from here. Today you are going to be hearing episode four from Mozet, which is all about boundaries and particularly excellent nos and terrible yeses. This one’s all about why not every yes is a good yes, and how to protect your time and energy without the guilt. So let’s dive in.     Halo, lovely Productivity Gym members. Welcome back to More Zest. Today’s episode is one of those ideas that popped up during a coaching session well over a year ago, and I have been using it ever since because it just makes sense today. We’re talking about boundaries and particularly excellent nos and terrible yeses. And if you’ve ever said yes to something while your whole body was whispering, please know, please don’t do it that then this one is for you. There is a really, really weird thing that we all subscribe to. It’s really prevalent in our culture where Yes, is seen as good. It’s positive, it’s friendly, it’s helpful. It’s a good word. Yes Is good. Yes. Is amazing. Yes. Is excellent. And no can feel like that awkward thing. A little bit uncomfortable, sharp. It’s negative, it’s guilt inducing. It’s wrong, it’s bad, but I am here to argue the complete opposite because not all yeses are created equally. You can actually have a terrible yes, a terrible yes is the one that you give when you say yes, but you don’t have capacity. You say yes, but you don’t believe in it. You feel that little niggle in your gut. You already know that it’s gonna pull you off track because yes, can sound nice on the surface. The person that’s asked the thing of you the event to go to, the activity to do it helps them. It feels positive, but is it positive when it ends up draining your time, your energy, your joy, your sleep, your sanity, your family life. So on the other hand, how about an excellent, no. This is a no that says I’m protecting what matters. And to do that, you need to know what matters, what your priorities are, what is important. It’s a no that says, that’s not aligned with where I’m going in my business, in my work. I just don’t have space for that right now. And that’s okay. An excellent no is firm, but it’s also kind to you. To them. It’s grounded and it clears the space for the right yeses. So like usual, I wanna just talk a little bit about how our brains work and bring that psychology in. So why do we struggle to say no even when we know it’s the better choice? Part of it is down to the negativity bias, which is where our brains are wired to avoid anything that might feel like conflict or rejection. So say no, can feel risky. Uncomfortable, like we’re letting someone down. There’s also the yes reflex, which is a term from behavioral coaching that explains how we often default to yes, without a pause, just to keep the peace or appear helpful. It’s automatic. We have to train ourselves out of it. So when you add this bit of people pleasing or that classic, oh, just squeeze it in habit. Suddenly your calendar is full of things that you didn’t even want to say yes to, but. You can create space between the ask and the answer, and that is sometimes the key to say no. You don’t have to reply straight away. You can pause. Think about it, learn what your body needs, what your mind needs, what your business, what your work needs, and then say yes or no and say excellently rather than saying that terrible. Yes. When it should have been an excellent no. So if you find yourself blurting out yeses without thinking. Here are some phrases that you could practice and it does take practice. Let me have a think and get back to you. I’ll check my schedule and let you know by this evening, or maybe I’ve got a little rule that I don’t say yes on the same call that I asked, so I’ll get back to you. I learned that one on a podcast with somebody who was talking about, as humans, we respect other people’s rules because it’s the way our brains work. So if you say to somebody, I’ve got a rule that I don’t eat dessert when I’m out on an evening. Then your party, the people that you’re with, will respect that rather than saying, oh, I’m not sure if a fancy dessert tonight. You know, if you really want to kind of cut back on the calories. So if you say to people, I’ve got a little rule that don’t say yes on the same call that I’m asked, then that gives you more chance that they will respect it. You don’t need to overexplain yourself. You don’t need a dramatic excuse, you just need a bit of breathing room to check in with yourself. Then you’ve given yourself a bit of time, whether that’s an hour, 45 minutes, even five minutes, just to go breath in breather, is this going to be an excellent yes or should it be an excellent no. Am I about to say a terrible yes? People do tend to respect clear boundaries, and if they don’t, then that is useful information too. So here’s where I want you to pause and gently check in with yourself. When was the last time that you said a terrible yes. I’m sure you can think of some. What happened afterwards? How did it make you feel and what did it cost you? What might have been different? If you’d have said an excellent no. Instead in that situation or in future situations that are similar. What would it feel like to say a brilliant, aligned, no one that is totally in tune with your values? Can you give yourself just five minutes or even five breaths before answering? Next time you ask something, you’re not being difficult. You’re giving yourself space to respond, not react. You are training your mind and your body to feed back into what is the right answer for you, whether it is that yes or that no. You are just given yourself space to lean into yourself. So here are some real life moments where an excellent no might just be your best friend. So turning down a quick favor that actually completely derails your day is not quick. What about saying no to a night out when you are absolutely shattered? When that four more bubbles up? How about skipping an opportunity that’s shiny, that looks really exciting, but it’s not aligned to where you wanna be. Say no to joining another WhatsApp group chat so you don’t have that incessant notification. Ping, ping, ping. Do you need to be in that group chat? How about turning down a client project that feels misaligned even if the money’s tempting? I’ve done that recently. How about choosing not to attend a networking event because you’re running on empty and the last one. Declining a favor that you could technically squeeze in. You have a bit of time, but you know, doing that would have a cost on your peace or your family time. Saying an excellent knowing those examples could be a real win because every no is actually a yes to something else. Usually your sanity, your peace, your priorities. Another important thing is sometimes we do say yes and then realize that it should have been a no and you’re allowed to change your mind. It might sound like, Hey, I’ve had a thing and actually I need to say no. Instead I rushed the yes, and I’ve realized I don’t have the space. It’s not as ideal as getting it right first time, but it’s so much better than pushing through something that doesn’t work for you. Kindness and clarity with people does equal boundaries that actually work. Now, before we finish, I want to be really clear. I am not anti yest. Although my default is no, and then I’ll sometimes go to a yes ’cause I’m quite strong with my boundaries. But a wholehearted intentional yes, can be beautiful. It can build relationships. It can create unexpected joy. It can be a way of choosing to live in a kind, generous, connected world. Sometimes we say yes, not because it’s convenient, but because we want to show up for someone. To support a friend, to be part of something bigger, to lean into the kind of life we want to lead. And that is gorgeous. But even then, and especially then, it is worth checking the cost. So asking yourself, do I have time for this? Do I have the headspace right now? Is this coming from alignment or obligation? Even the loveliest, Jess, with the most beautiful of intentions, can become a terrible one if it leaves you running on empty. So keep saying yes to the things that light you up, deepen your relationships, and align with who you are. Just make sure you’re saying it from a place of choice, not pressure. So here is your challenge for the week. Start paying attention to your yeses. Practice pausing before you give an answer. Notice when you are giving from a place of obligation, not alignment, and start practicing and collecting those excellent nos. Remember, no is not negative. You can be saying an excellent no rather than a terrible yes. You don’t need to be available for everything. You don’t need to say yes to Just keep the peace and you don’t need to feel guilty for protecting what matters to you and your family and your priorities. Let your nos be kind. Let your yeses be clear and know that you do not need to prove your worth by Overcommitting. You’ve got this and I’m right here cheering you on every single excellent. No, along the way.    That was just a little sneak peek into the world of more zest with one of our episodes. If you want full access to the private feed plus all the zest in action kits to help you turn ideas into action, you’ll find them inside the Productivity gym. I open the doors to the gym a few times a year, and they are reopening in mid-October. You can hop on the wait list@zestproductivity.com slash TPG if you want to know when the doors are open. And don’t forget before that I am running a free five day productivity challenge all about focus starting on the 6th of October. This will help you reset your focus and reclaim your time. You can join us at zest productivity.com/focus. Again, I’ll put the link in the show notes. I would love to see you there.